Why the Martyr Mom Myth Is Hurting Us All. 


It’s a common cultural trope that a good mom sacrifices everything for her children. Western cultural narrative is full of ideas about how a mom isn’t a good mom unless she cuts her children’s sandwiches into special shapes, hovers over every play date, spends her every free moment with and on her children, and basically stops sleeping until they are 18 and ready to move out of the house. Unless it is all organic, handmade, homemade and baked with love it’s not enough, and you’re not a good enough mom.

This image, this ideal is killing us. Not only are we as women striving beyond all reasonable expectation to attain it, and making ourselves sick along the way, it is creating competition amongst what would otherwise be reasonable, sane, supportive women. If we are judging her for not being enough, it must be because we ARE.

Not only do we as women and mothers have the most monumental job in existence (raising the next generation of humans who will inhabit this planet) we are also doing it largely alone, in a culture that demeans and devalues the work that we do.

Only a stay at home mom.” 

How many times have you heard that line, or worse, had it come out of your own mouth, describing YOURSELF? That in itself is enough to make any self respecting woman hate herself more than a little bit for choosing what is often seen as the least of all occupations. And so you strive, and sacrifice and stretch and die a little bit more inside every day in order to prove to yourself and the world that you are ENOUGH.


The time for this oppressive and incorrect patriarchal nonsense has past.

Women who stay home to raise children are enough.

Women who raise children and work outside the home are enough.

Women who choose not to have children are enough.

Women who choose to have only one child are enough.

Women who have lost pregnancies are enough.

Women who can’t get pregnant are enough.

You are ENOUGH, just the way you are.

It is enough to show up as yourself and give all of yourself to your life, whatever you have chosen that life to be. You are the Lynch pin of society, of the family and of your children’s lives. To kill yourself in order to prove to yourself and everyone else that you are enough is the worst kind of sacrifice to make, because it is entirely meaningless.

Take care of yourself. No one else is going to do it for you. Show up for yourself. Be the best you you can possibly muster. Eat well, sleep better, and exercise. Strive for your dreams. And for heavens sake, take a day off once in a while. The world will not grind to a halt because you didn’t tuck your children in at night.  They will live, and so will you.

In fact, life will most definitely feel better when you put yourself back on the priority list.

You’re worth it.


Six Ways To Survive The Deep Freeze of 2018


I don’t know about you, but this winter has me all cooped up in my house for fear of frostbite on my face.

Cabin fever looms, tempers fray, and we all long for spring to chase the frost away.

You don’t have to go batty, there are ways to survive without declaring all out war on your family, and moving to Hawaii.

1.) Solar Charge – When the sun does come out, bundle up and head outside for at least 15 minutes to absorb it’s precious rays. The sun encourages our bodies to produce vitamin D. When our bodies get enough vitamin D, we feel happier, more energetic, and we function more efficiently. If it’s too cold out, find a window and park yourself beside it for at least 15 minutes. It’s not the same as getting the rays directly, but it still helps.

2.) Supplement your Solar Charge – When the sun has disappeared for days or weeks on end, and you aren’t even sure anymore what it looks like, add a vitamin D supplement to your morning routine. While not as effective as the real thing, a vitamin D supplement is a good stand in when the sun has taken a winter hike.

3.) Get cozy with heated pockets – Head out to your local Costco, and purchase a box of these lovelies for when you have to head outside to keep your hands and feet toasty. Just peel open the foil package, shake ‘em up and slide them into your boots, your mitts or your coat pockets for hours of warmth.

4.) Hello Hot Water Bottles – Running the furnace can be killer on the budget, but sliding into a cold bed is no ones favourite nighttime routine. Go old fashioned and slide a hot water bottle between your sheets an hour or so before you go to bed, and it will be warm and toasty when you arrive, without turning up the thermostat.

5.) Love Those Layers – From boots with boot socks on top of leggings that are hiding thermals, to sweaters, turtlenecks, scarves, tank tops and other layers, winter is the perfect time to get your layer game on. It saves money on heat, and this keeps pennies in your pocketbook. Toss on a hat, steep a tea, and get cozy.

6.) Spice it Up! – Did you know that Cayenne pepper can help keep you warm? It is actually hot to the touch in powder form, and watch out with the real thing. You can burn yourself on the juice or the seeds.  Sprinkle a small amount into your boots to help warm cold feet, or ingest by adding a sprinkle to your tea, coffee or raw juice. It’s great for your heath, and can help keep you warm.

Here’s to surviving the next four months in cozy, cuddled bliss ❤ Happy Winter!

Making Space for the Hard Stuff

Let’s get super honest right off the top.

Parenthood is the hardest job you will ever do.

Whether you are a mother, a father, a step parent, an adoptive grandparent, an adoptive parent… whatever your entry point to parenthood is, it is the most challenging, most transformational, most real work that any of us will ever do

In parenthood you will meet your edge in ways that you never imagined, and see parts of yourself that you thought you had long ago buried or excised, never to be seen again. Parenthood, like nothing else, brings each of us face to face with ourselves – the good, the bad, the ugly, the unimaginable and the transcendent.

When we embark upon becoming parents we spend lots of time in fantasy about the beauty. The sweet, impossibly small clothing and the cherubic face of our infant. Holding hands with our preschooler as we walk by the river. Sharing our favourite books, stories and toys to the rapture and delight of our beautiful mini selves.

The reality is so different.  Yes, there is beauty, transcendent beauty, joy, laughter, happiness and connection. There is also pain, heartbreak, exhaustion, frustration, mundanity, rage and nearly every other deep, dark, ugly emotion that most of us were never given the tools to really navigate with any kind of mastery.  The feelings we hide from, we stuff down and we avoid at all costs, these are what compose the core of parenthood.

They are inevitable and essential, and we need to learn how to make space for them.

We do this by making space for them within ourselves first, because the deep truth of it is that we cannot teach to our children what we do not know ourselves.

When our child won’t sleep because they anxious, what do we do? Do we even see the anxiety within ourselves? How do we sit with our own fear? If our habit is to run from and hide from our own fear, this anxious child, still awake in front of us will bring us face to face with ourselves.

This does not feel good, and we will want to run and hide.

What society teaches us as parents is that we have encountered a “problem”, and that it’s our job to “fix it”.  The deeper truth is that we treat big emotions like problems in our children because we see them as problems within ourselves.  We have somehow lost connection to the reality that all emotions are a part of full and rich human experience.

We so often strive for perfection, and forget that progress is what parenthood is made of. No end product, no destination. Growth.   Not only theirs, but our own as well.

Yelling can be a symptom of something deeper within you, telling you exactly where you need to look as a person in order to find the answers to what you do as a parent.

The next time you come face to face with a feeling that scares you, in yourself or your child, I challenge you to breathe, step back and take a careful look at what your truth is in that moment as a person, dig deeper into your story and I suspect that you will find some powerful answers to whatever parenthood dilemma you are facing.

It may not be pretty, and it certainly won’t be perfect, but it will be progress, and that is what parenthood is all about.

“You will only accept your child to the degree that you accept yourself.”

Dr. Shefali Tsabary


**This article appears in the October issue of Windsor Parent Magazine 

Just Sit Down & Write Already.

Commit to a word count that feels easy. The point here is to develop the habit. Make it one of the first things you do in your day. I make sure it is on my agenda because I am an absolute freak about crossing things off.  It feels good to me to cross an item off my to do list. It means I didn’t sit around and do nothing, and that I am moving towards my goals.

Let’s face it, you’re not a writer if you aren’t writing anything at all, ever.

To be a writer you have to write – something.

This is where to start. Write something everyday. I started with 500 words because that felt easy to me. Maybe for you it will be 200. Start there.

Writing a book can be likened to eating and elephant.  The average book starts at 50,000 well crafted words. That’s huge. You can’t do that in a day. Maybe in a month (Hello NaNoWriMo) but not in a day, and more than likely not on your first go. You need to flex your muscles, get the words flowing and learn how to show up even when inspiration doesn’t. You do that one day, one word at a time. After all, the water can’t flow unless you turn on the tap.

Another thing that messes with our all too fragile heads is our role models. For me it’s people like Liz Gilbert and Brene Brown that totally do a number on me.  They have put out such wise, well crafted work.  My goal is to be like them.  If I let myself dwell too long on comparing my work to Brene’s, I would never let a word I write see the light of day.  I have to remind myself that she started somewhere too.  Fortunately, we also live in the age of the internet, and both of these women do regular talks, so I have heard their stories about how they got to where they are.  It was entirely one step at a time, starting at the beginning.

I am not going to create an empire with my first blog post, or a best seller with my first book. It just doesn’t happen that way. Neither are you.  Focus on the words. Focus on showing up every day. This is your job. It’s not your job to be a genius. It’s your job to be at the keyboard, putting the words on the page, being open to inspiration, so that when genius does decide to show up, you are there to meet her.

Liz Gilbert has some awesome stuff to say about genius. I’ll let her do the talking 🙂

Failure Alchemy

We all fail.

Heroes fail.

That is part of life.

I failed yesterday, in a manner of speaking. I have been hard at work on getting some serious habits in place that will support me in growing my writing practice, getting published more, growing my business, and ultimately making more money. Let’s face it, I would love to say that I have loftier goals, but the truth is, that is at the crux of everything that I have been doing for the last five years or so.

It makes me uncomfortable to even put it right out there, but there it is.

I have been kicking ass at developing these habits, 500 words a day, working out regularly, posting to social media and things like that.  I have even got a beta e book project that I am working on.  I have been killing it.  Wrote 10,000 words last month, am right on track for the ebook I have in progress and have been at the gym at least three times a week.

Until yesterday.

Fell off the wagon huge.

Now, I could sit here and make excuses. I was taken down by allergies,  my head was a foggy mess, my body ached from maybe overdoing it at the gym a bit, and I needed to sleep. How I was feeling was making me cry. I was pretty pathetic.

Truth is, I could have hit my goals anyhow.

I could have muscled through. I wasn’t dead.

I need to acknowledge, first off, that I chose not to.

Secondly, I need to recognize that sometimes I need to listen to my body.

And I also need to acknowledge that today is a new day.

I could see it as a failure, and a big part of my mind was shouting at me that I suck, that I failed and it’s all over.  Don’t I always do this after all? Screw it up?


Maybe not.

Maybe what is true is that yesterday wasn’t a screw up. What would be is not getting back on it today, shuffling the list, and making it work to get it all done anyhow, along with the housework that is calling, and the laundry that needs to get done.

The only way shit gets done is one thing at a time.

And the only time we have to do it is right now.

Fretting about yesterday would only take me away from the right now that I have to get the shit done.

Accept the choice to set it down. Acknowledge that it’s time to pick it back up, and get back onto the path.

Take one step forward.

Feel the resistance.

Push back against it.

This is how we grow.

This is how we make failure not failure. This is how we make failure into a future.

Grow Up & Show Up

I am coming to believe that learning how to show up is a part of growing up.

Now, I am one who believes that we are never done growing up.  Investigating showing up this week has uncovered some interesting notions for me, because we don’t really see ourselves until we actually look. Kind of like how we can avoid looking in the mirror if we are feeling fat, we can also avoid looking at ourselves if we know we aren’t quite measuring up to our true potential. There are so many excuses, and such convincing voices that give us license to half ass our lives.  I came face to face with mine this week, she must have known I was listening, because she took the opportunity to be heard.  “You don’t need to go to the gym, you’re tired. You deserve to go back to bed.  We don’t want to go. It’s not that important. You went Monday, you don’t need to go today. “ Or about writing, or those cookies that my husband bought that were so delicious. She had a lot to say.

When I was listening to her, though, I realized that she isn’t me.  I am not entirely certain yet who she is, nor that she is always an aspect of the same part of me, but she is most certainly not telling me the truth, nor is she serving my higher purpose.  She is an old friend, and I am not certain she will ever leave, but I am learning to give her the drivers seat less and less.  She doesn’t need control, she just needs to be heard, and loved.

It’s not always easy to hear that voice and keep going. She is awfully loud and convincing, especially when she is the first voice I hear upon getting out of bed.  Apparently she is up early.  I did my thing anyway, and I learned something powerful.  This voice, she is like the weather.  More specifically, I think she is like clouds.  Always active somewhere, she can cover the sun, and bring storms, rain and wind. She can cause quite a ruckus, and that ruckus is important, but something more powerful drives me.

There is a force at my core that is molten and powerful.  It flows beneath the surface, from a source deep within my being.  Fuelled by the fire of my passion and driven by the light of my soul, it moves me.  Like the continents, what drives me is not the weather, but the molten mantle that flows beneath my outer shell.  Almost entirely invisible, it is a monumental force that flinches not at storms and wind, flowing untroubled and undisturbed, driving the very foundations of my being.

To show up in a powerful way, to be able to resist the pull of the weather in my mind, I had to connect to this part of myself.  And I am not entirely certain it was always molten like this.  Lava, when it is cool, becomes rock.  Rock is inert.  Perhaps that is why so many people are “stuck”, having neglected the fires of their passions and the light of their souls for so long they’ve fallen to embers, and their core has hardened, no longer able to move the foundations of their being and fuel their progress across the landscape of their lives.

I am not done with this idea, this imagery is not fully formed in my minds eye and so I can’t take it any further in this post, though I know it feel unfinished.  I will continue to explore and expand it, and share it with you all as I do.

Know this, that how you show up is up to you, and you alone.  The driver of your life is no one else.  No one else can create your foundations, or move your being.  Even if you choose to let others do the creating for you, that choice is one that you made.

And as you grow, and look at yourself in your inner mirror, and the mirror of your life, you will begin to see what you have created, and have the opportunity to make a different choice and embrace the force of nature that you are at your core.

Revolutionize Your Life

Who are you? What do you believe in? What future do you want to create?

It’s time for a revolution.  We can all see that.  Any one who can’t is blind or self deluded, living in their sleep.  The signs are clear as day.  It’s now or never.

The thing is, it’s not time for torches and pitchforks. That is not the only kind of revolution we need.  Yes, people need to the hit the streets, put pressure on the institution and create change in that arena, for sure.  That’s not the only arena though.  The arena that will make the work those brave warriors do sustainable is the one right in front of you.

Your fucking life.

Creating change in policy and government doesn’t mean shit if we are still all taking the plastic bags at the grocery store.  Does there really need to be a law put in place for plastic grocery bags to go the way of the dodo bird? What if we just stopped using them? What if petroleum products became obsolete because people just don’t want them anymore? This sounds utopian, and in a way it is, but it could be that simple.

It takes us waking up in our own lives and realizing that as small as we are, our actions and choices matter. Every single one of us. It takes revolutionizing your life, from the inside out.  Evolving the way you think, feel and act in every way will create a different world.

The every day revolution.

Can’t you see that expecting other people to create change so you don’t have to change doesn’t work? Can’t you see that it will take YOU CHANGING? That’s how change happens.  With you.

We don’t like change, we don’t like TO change.  Change is uncomfortable.  The truth is, though, that you can either create change or change will be forced upon you. Change is going to happen whether you want it to or not.  Be a part of it, or be a victim of it, change is life.  It is literally the only constant aspect of the universe, the one thing that does not change is the constancy of CHANGE.

Run it, or get run by it.  Change happens.

Wake up.  Make it happen.

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

You’re never going to feel like it.  Show up anyway.

I get it, waking up in a life that you created that you are miserable in is UNCOMFORTABLE.  Easier to go back to sleep.  It feels like SHIT to show up and do the hard work some days.  Feels better to wimp out, grab a bag of chips and sedate yourself with a netflix binge.  Been there.  Done that.  It doesn’t get shit done, and the same shit that you are hiding from will be knocking on your door tomorrow, or next week, or next month, or next year, and it will be bigger, scarier and harder to heal.  Better to face it now.

Wake up.

Welcome to your revolution.

Tame Your Triggers

We have all been triggered.

I can bet that you know that feeling where you were rational one minute, then something happens and all of a sudden you are in full on screaming, swearing, lose-your-mind rampaging bear mode.

You’ve lost it.

And then ten minutes later you feel awful and guilty because you’ve said things you don’t mean, your child is crying and you are spent.


I have found a simple process that will help you diffuse a trigger once it’s activated.

Have a look.

Five Steps to Moving Through a Trigger

Right click on this image and save it to your laptop, or tap and hold on your mobile to save it to your pictures.

Actionning these five simple steps will take the wind out of a trigger and prevent the damage a meltdown can do.

Because here’s the thing.  How are we going to teach our children how to NOT melt down and handle their big scary emotions if we don’t know how to do so ourselves?

Healing is possible.  Peace is possible. Let me help you find it.

xo mamas


This Blog is All About YOU.

All about you

It’s all about self care these days.  Making your quality of life the top priority.  Mani’s, pedi’s, vacations, date nights, me time, and self help books.

Here’s the thing though, it is really easy to misunderstand this as making everything all about you and your well being.  Expecting others to put your well being before their own, expecting them to act so that you can “feel better”.

It isn’t about making it all about you.  From what I have observed of relationships, self care and well being, this easily becomes selfishness.  Making yourself the centre of the universe and expecting all others around you to be responsible for your well being.

This is the exact opposite of how it actually works.  More often than not it leads to relationship problems, conflict and and a deep dissatisfaction with your own quality of life.  You feel as though you never have enough to make yourself happy, as though you are constantly running on empty And when you do find contentment, it is short lived.

Showing up for yourself is different. It’s all about choices. You cannot expect other people to be responsible for your personal well being.  That is your job and yours alone.  In this way, you have complete control over what you participate in, and what you don’t.  You can choose how to interact with your world, your family, your work no matter how they all show up in your life.  You choose your orientation towards the world.

Can you see the shift here? It’s a subtle one, and incredibly powerful.  The key is who you deem to be responsible for creating and maintaining your well being.  When you make it all about you, you put others in charge of your happiness by expecting them to do, be and believe as is best for you.  For example, your kids shouldn’t fight with you because it makes you anxious.  They ought not disobey because it makes you angry.  Your husband needs to do the chores you expect him to do, because when he doesn’t it’s aggravating to you.

Showing up for yourself changes this picture.  When you are practising showing up for your own well being you will handle a kid who is being difficult in a completely different way.  You will recognize that he is inviting you to fight, and choose not to participate  because it takes away from your well being.  You shift your orientation towards this situation by connecting to your calm centre and handling the situation from a place of calm and peace.

The key question is, who do you believe is responsible for your well being? The answer will make all the difference in your quality of life.

My Relaxation Habit.


When I work with clients, my number one healing recommendation is learning how to relax and cultivating a daily practice of energy relaxation.

Not blobbing in front of the TV, not drinking a glass of wine.  Relaxing.  It is honestly the practice of doing NOTHING.  Modern mom’s have a hard time with that.  I am willing to bet your immediate thought is “But what about this! And that! I can’t possibly do NOTHING for any length of time! I don’t have TIME!”.  And I am willing to bet underneath that is this ache to do just that.  Nothing.  Maybe even forever.

It’s not a habit modern adults are adept at, but it is entirely foundational to combatting stress, and consequently stress related illness.

My teacher has just launched a 30 Day Challenge to help you learn how to do just that; NOTHING.

In this challenge package is everything you need to start the process of cultivating a daily Energy Relaxation practice that will activate your body’s innate healing capacity, reduce stress and improve your overall quality of life.

I speak from experience.  This is a habit I have developed in my life and the benefits are incredible.

As a parent I have more patience, compassion and stamina to deal with all the challenges life throws at me.  I have more energy for my kids, my work, and my play.  I feel expanded inside, calm and stable.  This practice has helped me heal anxiety, grow my business and be open to inspiration on a day to day basis.

Hop over here to learn more and to join the challenge.