I am coming to believe that learning how to show up is a part of growing up.
Now, I am one who believes that we are never done growing up. Investigating showing up this week has uncovered some interesting notions for me, because we don’t really see ourselves until we actually look. Kind of like how we can avoid looking in the mirror if we are feeling fat, we can also avoid looking at ourselves if we know we aren’t quite measuring up to our true potential. There are so many excuses, and such convincing voices that give us license to half ass our lives. I came face to face with mine this week, she must have known I was listening, because she took the opportunity to be heard. “You don’t need to go to the gym, you’re tired. You deserve to go back to bed. We don’t want to go. It’s not that important. You went Monday, you don’t need to go today. “ Or about writing, or those cookies that my husband bought that were so delicious. She had a lot to say.
When I was listening to her, though, I realized that she isn’t me. I am not entirely certain yet who she is, nor that she is always an aspect of the same part of me, but she is most certainly not telling me the truth, nor is she serving my higher purpose. She is an old friend, and I am not certain she will ever leave, but I am learning to give her the drivers seat less and less. She doesn’t need control, she just needs to be heard, and loved.
It’s not always easy to hear that voice and keep going. She is awfully loud and convincing, especially when she is the first voice I hear upon getting out of bed. Apparently she is up early. I did my thing anyway, and I learned something powerful. This voice, she is like the weather. More specifically, I think she is like clouds. Always active somewhere, she can cover the sun, and bring storms, rain and wind. She can cause quite a ruckus, and that ruckus is important, but something more powerful drives me.
There is a force at my core that is molten and powerful. It flows beneath the surface, from a source deep within my being. Fuelled by the fire of my passion and driven by the light of my soul, it moves me. Like the continents, what drives me is not the weather, but the molten mantle that flows beneath my outer shell. Almost entirely invisible, it is a monumental force that flinches not at storms and wind, flowing untroubled and undisturbed, driving the very foundations of my being.
To show up in a powerful way, to be able to resist the pull of the weather in my mind, I had to connect to this part of myself. And I am not entirely certain it was always molten like this. Lava, when it is cool, becomes rock. Rock is inert. Perhaps that is why so many people are “stuck”, having neglected the fires of their passions and the light of their souls for so long they’ve fallen to embers, and their core has hardened, no longer able to move the foundations of their being and fuel their progress across the landscape of their lives.
I am not done with this idea, this imagery is not fully formed in my minds eye and so I can’t take it any further in this post, though I know it feel unfinished. I will continue to explore and expand it, and share it with you all as I do.
Know this, that how you show up is up to you, and you alone. The driver of your life is no one else. No one else can create your foundations, or move your being. Even if you choose to let others do the creating for you, that choice is one that you made.
And as you grow, and look at yourself in your inner mirror, and the mirror of your life, you will begin to see what you have created, and have the opportunity to make a different choice and embrace the force of nature that you are at your core.