I am going to level with you ladies.
This was a tough holiday in my house.
(This is not my kid 🙂 )
As I said in a previous blog, my son is going through some things that are incredibly challenging for him emotionally. This has led to some serious regression when it comes to how he copes with his BIG EMOTIONS.
And it happened over Christmas Holiday.
This has meant that I have had to be super present, deal with situations that have a high potential to trigger me, and be open to whatever is needed for us to get through this, learn, and be better on the other side.
It’s HARD to see our kids go through things like this. It was clearly incredibly challenging for him. What was harder was that it was causing him to display behaviours that require me to apply consequences. Doing this with a calm mind, an open heart and love was one of the hardest things I have had to do in a long time.
Not rising to the invitation to yell when he is yelling at me, being cruel and insulting, and doing all he can to incite the fight he needs takes a ton of patience, self love, compassion and downright gumption.
Thank heavens for my practices.
I want to share with you how I did it.
1.) First and foremost, conscious breath is key. When he starts in and I can see where we are headed, the first thing I do is start breathing deeply into my belly. This activates my own calming response.
2.) Remember that this is hard for him. It’s not personal. This is really difficult, especially when the words that are coming out of his mouth are incredibly personal, and designed to hurt and trigger. He is rather like an animal, backed into a corner. He will bite, spit, claw and howl. What I can do is make the space for him to get out of that corner.
3.) Be present to my own triggers – I do get triggered in these situations. When I am able to pay careful attention to what is happening in my body, I can see these triggers happening and respond before they come flying out of my mouth. I will tell him that I need to take a time out, and I will walk away, providing that there is no immediate danger to him or anyone else. A mommy time out is a great modelling tool. If he sees that I take times out when I am feeling triggered, eventually he will do the same.
4.) Balance – Times like this call for a delicate balance between love, space, modelling and consistency of expectation. I do have to apply consequences when he gets aggressive. I also have to apply love. Setting boundaries, being present to enforce them while still providing space, love and healing requires dropping into the moment, over and over, and knowing what each moment calls for.
I messed up a bunch of times. Everyone does. We are all human. The last key is forgiveness. For him and for me.
And you know what?
We survived the holiday. In fact, we had some wonderful moments. And thanks to the necessity of being deeply present, I didn’t rise to other family drama that might have triggered me in the past.
So thanks to my mommy path, I am learning, evolving, and becoming more deeply connected to my soul.
It’s like they say, the obstacle is the path 🙂
How were your holidays? Did you get triggered? How did you deal?
xo mamas 🙂